The day coffee stopped working

Satire? [Link]

The Secretary of State thought for a moment.

“Well, Mr. President,” he began, “I can’t see any way around this problem. Except, that is, to seize all the coffee within our borders and transport it to a secure location immediately. After that, we can dissolve the Union and split the country into new territories, one for each of us. We go our separate ways with an equal share of the coffee. We’ll have enough for ourselves and our families, and we can dole out the remainder to the citizens of our regions as we see fit.”

The room was silent. Everyone looked around at each other. They had to admit, it was a sensible idea.

“Can we name our territories whatever we want?” asked the Secretary of Energy.

“Yes.”

“Even a swear?”

“I wouldn’t recommend it, but sure.”

“I call the military,” said the Secretary of Defense.

“No, we have to split that up, too,” said the Secretary of State.

The President had been sitting in silence, but now he spoke out, loud and clear.

“Mr. Secretary, we cannot consider that option.”

Everyone in the room glared at the President, pissed. But then, sort of low, the President said, “…just yet.”

Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief, and took their hands off their swords. All the cabinet members had these awesome mini-swords now. The President had given them as presents, for team building.