Real Political Choice

Let's have none of this two party crap. Let's pick from a wider field. Perhaps one of these:

Jonathon Albert "The Impaler" Sharkey — 43, Satanist/pagan who is the founder, national chair and commanding general in the 1st Vampyre, Witches, Pagans Party Regiment (2006-present); former U.S. Army soldier; former board member of Hillborough, New Jersey's County Executive Republican Committee; dark priest/ advisor to the Church of the Followers of Lucifer; founder and national chair of Vampyres, Witches, Pagans Against Impaired Driving (2005-present). As an ordained Satanic dark priest, vows to perform same-sex marriages at White House at least once a month and to only impale criminals and terrorists, not law-abiding American citizens.

Claire Elisabeth Fields "America, Peach" Cruise — 41, Buddhist, president and founder of the Department of Empowerment, posted platform on her MySpace page using a computer at a public library. Advocates Iraq pullout, making Mexico a U.S. territory and giving the homeless living quarters with at least one bedroom per adult, a kitchenette and a full bathroom (including bathtub). Changed her last name to Cruise in January and claims to have convinced the Tom Cruise to abandon his birth name, Mapother, in order to make it in Hollywood.

Jackson Kirk Grimes — 56, a single pagan with a GED who once portrayed Hitler on "Star Trek," this director of the United Fascist Union (which promotes the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein) and two-time presidential candidate promises to abolish paper money and create a global government if elected.

Joseph Martyniuk Jr. — self-described inventor and computer guru. No further information was available because his campaign Web site link was broken when we clicked on it.

I spoke too soon. Maybe two parties is enough.