Comic History Can Hurt

Comics History can hurt. It can hurt real bad. [Link]

JORDAN: Yes.
Cable shoots Professor X with a bullet that infects him with a techno-organic virus. Meanwhile, Caliban kidnaps Cyclops and Jean Grey. It’s all a scheme by the duo of Mr. Sinister (who is pretending to be Apocalypse) and Stryfe (who is a Cable doppelganger, and who actually shot the Prof). The X-Men scramble about, fight X-Force, fight the MLF, and attack Apocalypse, who they incorrectly think is behind it. In the end, all the villains betray each other, Cable saves Cyclops and Jean, Stryfe reveals that either he or Cable is their lost son, and the Legacy Virus is released.
It was painful to try to do that in 100 words.

NATE: Excuse me while I run screaming in terror at the notion of trying to comprehend any of this.

JORDAN: OK, I can’t say I blame you. The wikipedia plot summary weighs in at a whopping 997 words, and even that is sort of hard to follow. OK, let me make it even simpler.

Stryfe shoots professor X, pretending to be Cable. He gets found out. He and Cable look alike because one of them is Cyclops’ son, and the other is a copy. Uh-oh, there’s a virus that’s eventually going to kill all mutants. The End.

Oh, you know what I forgot to put into my original thing? Apocalypse saves the Professor’s life because the X-Men save him from Sinister’s men. So that’s how the Prof lived. And later, Archangel gets ‘revenge’ on Apocalypse by NOT killing him when he begs to die. So, there’s your Apocalypse character arc, a victim of the 100 word restriction.

You got all that, now?

NATE: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s like you’re trying to explain it to me Memento-style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JORDAN: Ok… I’ll give you a moment to catch you breath and calm down. Do you want to listen to your song again?

My eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!

One of the reasons I stopped reading comics in the 90's.