The importance of kitten pictures when lying about books

I never knew you needed a kitten picture when lying about books, but it seems like good advice. [Link]

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have that kind of time. So it’s only natural that if you wish to present yourself as a well-read person, a certain degree of complete bullshit is required. There’s no shame in lying about what you’ve read. There’s only shame in getting caught. Then you look like a doofus, and an illiterate one at that. And there are few things upon which the literate world heaps more scorn than doofi.

When dealing with science fiction and fantasy fans, it’s especially crucial to avoid accidental self-doofication. As a general rule, one must appear to have read everything ever written. Fail to do so and you’ll instantly be bombarded with statements of disdain. “Oh my fucking god, you haven’t read Cryptonomicon? What are you, Amish?”

And so, lest we be tarred with such stinging epithets, we must learn to lie. Allow me to teach you my five simple rules for lying about books.