Advice for the Occupy Wall Street people

Good, but mocking advice. [Link]

If you know me, you know I can get along and debate with people from every political, religious and social stripe.  You also know I regard mockery as an art form.  This doesn't mean I'm not sympathetic, or lack understanding.

In this case, I see a need, so I'm going to offer some free advice.  It's worth at least what you pay for it, but beggars can't be choosers.

Dear Occupussies:  This is where you went wrong:

The start.

Really, that's where you went wrong.  A "Leaderless" protest isn't a protest.  It's a bunch of whining infants throwing a tantrum.  I blame your teachers.  That you don't realize they've failed to teach you anything useful, and want instead to blame "the banks" or "big ag" or whoever you're blaming this time around just shows how badly they've failed you.  People who make a lot of money need knowledgeable employees to get things done, and you're just not going to be those employees.  This situation is not ideal for you, or them, either.

Here's how it works:

DETERMINE THERE IS A PROBLEM.  Right now, the problem is "the 1%."  Very good. Except your definition of the 99% and the 1% is so vague that half the people you'd like on your side hate you.  Really.  That constitutes failure of both definition and message on your part, not failure on their part to "understand" your brilliance.  If you're so smart, why are the 1% so rich?  They have an agenda.  You need one, too.  Yes, really.

ORGANIZE WITH AN EFFECTIVE LEADER.  Democracy has leaders. Anarchy does not.  If anarchy is what you crave, stop making demands that someone else fix your problem for you, and be an anarchist.

HAVE A STAFF TO MANAGE, DIRECT, COORDINATE.  Have set start and stop times.  Show up, state your case, thank people for listening, go back and plan the next battle. (This is how militaries win wars. Troops get tired.  Equipment wears out.  The landscape takes a beating—yes, the military uses ecologists.  You just learned that from me.  You're welcome.)  Be glad you do live in America.  Half the countries in the world would have called out troops to machine gun you for being a mob.

HAVE A PUBLIC AFFAIRS OFFICER.  Find someone with PR experience and charisma.  Let them work your message into an appealing shape.  This is the person who pro-actively meets the press and expresses your concerns and looks good doing it.  They're the go-to person the media and everyone else will see instead of some frothing doped-up hippie who hasn't showered in a week. http://orangwutang.com/2011/10/18/where-do-i-sign-up/

HAVE HANDOUTS WITH CONCISE BULLET POINTS.  See what I did there?  It works.  Politicians win elections like this, and this is an election—you're trying to convince enough people to join your movement and put pressure on [someone] to effect a change.  They have to have some idea what you stand for, and it needs to be official.

OFFER ALTERNATIVES.  This will put you ahead of the politicians, if you can offer actual, useful alternatives.  "Forgive all debt by anyone ever" is not useful.  That moron has obviously never taken Economics 101, or even Econ 089.  Or any business course.  Yes, I realize he's a moron, but because you didn't have any of the above points, he got to be the most visible and self-appointed spokesman by default.  Want to know who to blame for the opposition latching onto him as your figurehead?  Look around you.

BRING IN THIRD PARTIES TO OFFER RESEARCHED OPTIONS.  Every position of every group has a research paper about it somewhere.  One of your staff needs to be digging these up, and asking the authors to make presentations and comments your PR person can use.

MEET WITH THE OPPOSITION AND OTHER INTERESTED PARTIES TO DEBATE AND RESOLVE.  Not everyone agrees with you.  In fact, 99% (see what I did there?) of the country does not agree with you, including people you wish would.  Start off with the understanding that anyone getting by with the status quo is going to be reluctant to change it, especially on the advice of a bunch of self-admitted failures.  The first question anyone with anything to lose is going to ask themselves is, "Will I be better off with these freaks in charge than the bastard who's there now?"  If the answer is hysterical laughter, you've failed.

POLITICS IS THE ART OF NEGOTIATION.  Once you know what you want, ask for 150% of it.  You won't get it, but that's the point.  If you get 70%, be ecstatic.  If you get 30%, be happy.  If you get 10%, be gracious and polite, accept it, go back, reorganize, and come back again for more