Tannhauser

A review of the opera Tannhauser. [Link]

We open to an orgy in a god's sex cave.

No. Really.

Tannhauser, a bard⁴ in the Germanic middle ages, is the boy-toy of Venus, eternal goddess of hot sex that you thought would be totally worth all her baggage but in the long run isn't. Remember the wisdom of the bros: even if he or she is literally an unearthly gorgeous sex god, somewhere there is someone who is sick of putting up with his or her bullshit.

Tannhauser and Venus are shacked up at Venus' place, which with typical German lyricism is called "Venusburg." Tannhauser and Venus are lounging in bed. They're watching a dance/orgy/cage match among Naiads, Sirens, the Three Graces, fauns, satyrs, nymphs, Baccchantes, and cupids. No, really. I could quote the libretto I just linked, but even the description of this is abusively long.⁵ Wagner could have just said "enter the entire Monster Manual, which humps."

That's the ballet. There's no dialogue, and it's not Wagner's best music, though it's not terrible. It does, however, answer the question "can an orgy be tedious?"