Don't worry about the Zombie Apocalypse

The carrion eaters have it covered. [Link]

National Wildlife Federation naturalist David Mizejewski explains how nature would deal with a zombie outbreak: brutally, and without quarter.

With The Walking Dead's fourth season premiere and Halloween upon us, the living dead are back in full-force.

Zombies are scary. We humans are evolutionarily pre-programmed to abhor the dead bodies of our own species. It's a natural reaction, helping healthy individuals avoid fatal pathogens.

The thought of being eaten alive is a natural fear, and when it's your own species doing the eating, it's even more terrifying.

Relax. Next time you're lying in bed, unable to fall asleep thanks to the vague anxiety of half-rotten corpses munching on you in the dark, remember this: if there was ever a zombie uprising, wildlife would kick its ass.

To enjoy zombie horror, you suspend disbelief and put aside some of science's rules. That said, if we assume zombies can't spread whatever is causing them to reanimate to other species, and that they are relatively slow moving—both true (so far! — Ed.) of Walking Dead zombies—there are more than enough wild animals out there to dispatch the undead.

That's because zombies are essentially walking carrion, and Mother Nature doesn't letanything go to waste.

Carrion is on the menu for a vast number of species, from tiny micro-organisms to the largest carnivores.

Here's just some of the North American wildlife that would make short work of a zombie horde.

Brain Dead Idiot

Ok, people. The zombie apocalypse is a stand-in for any general civilization destroying catastrophe. IT IS NOT REAL. [Link]

The Walking Dead? Try the walking stupid.

That might be at least one way to explain Jared Gurman, the 26-year-old Long Island man accused of blasting his girlfriend in the back with a .22-caliber rifle following an inexplicable argument over the hit show "The Walking Dead," according to authorities.

Gurman allegedly shot his 27-year-old girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, outside his Williston Park home, according to CBS 2 News.

So what was the pivotal plot point in the show that led to the shooting? The couple got into a heated argument over whether a zombie apocalypse was actually possible, NBC 4 New York reports.

“He felt very adamant there could be a military mishap that would result in some sort of virus being released that could cause terrible things to happen,” Detective Lt. Raymond Cote said a news conference. “She felt it was ridiculous. He’s passionate about it. And it escalated from there.”

Fuckwit.

Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse

Direct from the CDC. [Link]

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (includingisolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

Zombiepocalypse Training

Zombie shooting targets. [Link]

Why are they making Robots that eat food?

This is just asking for trouble when the robots start going on a human eating rampage. [Link]

The idea of EATR is ostensibly that military reconnaissance droids far behind enemy lines would be able to forage for fuel. Robotic Technology Inc, lead contractor on the EATR, puts it thus:

EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance military missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling. The patent pending robotic system can find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment, as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, diesel, propane and solar) when suitable.

The machine runs on a "biomass furnace" which powers a steam generator driving a "waste heat engine" from Cyclone Power Technologies. These pieces of kit will now be mated together within 90 days, according to RTI.
The robot steamers are envisaged as being equipped with powerful articulated arms in order to rip trees or bushes out of the earth and stuff them into their glowing maws. By way of a treat, it seems that the machines will also be able to loot or forage more conventional fuel supplies from the petrol tanks of cars, domestic gas cylinders and so on. Cyclone says that their engine can also run happily on old apple cores, banana peel and other kitchen garbage gleaned from bins.
Hapless drivers or householders will be in no position to object to such robotic plundering: military reconnaissance vehicles are typically heavily armed, and doubtless the EATR will be no exception. It might also be fitted with DARPA's SELF tech, enabling it to construct copies of itself and modify its own design.

UPDATE: EATR is a vegetarian and follows the Geneva Conventions. [Link]

RTI’s patent pending robotic system will be able to find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment. Despite the far-reaching reports that this includes “human bodies,” the public can be assured that the engine Cyclone has developed to power the EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips – small, plant-based items for which RTI’s robotic technology is designed to forage. Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI.
“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO. “We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous.” (emphasis in the original)

Lazarus Syndrome

Fascinating. [Link]

A man came back to life – like the Biblical Lazarus – half an hour after doctors told his family he had died.

Michael Wilkinson, 23, ‘died’ in hospital of a previously undiagnosed heart condition after his mother found him collapsed in bed.

Doctors failed to revive the roofer and pronounced him dead, and he was given the last rites.

But 30 minutes later medics found a pulse and told relatives he was actually alive.

Mr Wilkinson, from Preston, was transferred to the intensive care unit at Royal Preston Hospital in Lancashire where he survived for two days following an emergency operation. He then died on February 3rd this year.

An inquest heard that his return to life was known as Lazarus syndrome – the spontaneous return of circulation after attempts to resuscitate fail. There have only ever been 38 cases recorded worldwide.

From Wikipedia. [Link]

Lazarus syndrome is the spontaneous return of circulation after failed attempts at resuscitation.^[1] Its occurrence has been noted in medical literature at least 25 times since 1982.^[2] Also called Lazarus phenomenon, it takes its name from the biblical story of Lazarus, who was raised from the dead by Jesus.^[3]

Occurrences of the syndrome are rare and the causes are not well understood. One theory for the phenomenon is that a chief factor (though not the only one) is the buildup of pressure in the chest as a result of cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). The relaxation of pressure after resuscitation efforts have ended is thought to allow the heart to expand, triggering the heart's electrical impulses and restarting the heartbeat.^[1] Other possible factors are hyperkalaemia or high doses of adrenaline.^[3]

How many come back with a craving for Braaaiiinnnsss!

Scientists, Zombies at impasse over resource shortage

There is a brain shortage. [Link]

The decision to set up a UK network of brain banks will come as welcome news to researchers working on a wide range of neurological disorders including Alzheimer's disease, multiple sclerosis, and autism.

The simple fact is that not enough of us are donating our brains to medical research after we die.

As a result, scientists have been hampered by a shortage of human tissue to work on, and earlier this year some of the country's leading neuropathologists held a press conference highlighting the problem. They warned that vital research could grind to a halt.

Professor James Ironside - the man chosen to head the MRC's new brain bank network - was at that meeting. Now he'll co-ordinate the provision of brain tissue, and help tackle the shortage of donations.

Speaking after his appointment this morning he said: "The availability of high quality brain tissue is critical to the success of research into devastating clinical conditions such as motor neurone disease and schizophrenia. My job is to build on the fantastic work that is already being done by the individual brain banks. Co-ordination is essential to give researchers access to what they need, when they need it."

And from the zombie spokesperson:

Brains, brains, brains!

Zombie fire ants

Brains. [Link]

The tool is the tiny phorid fly, native to a region of South America where the fire ants in Texas originated. Researchers have learned that as many as 23 phorid species along with pathogens attack fire ants to keep their population and movements under control.

So far, four phorid species have been introduced in Texas, where fire ants cost the economy about $1 billion annually by damaging circuit breakers and other electrical equipment, according to a Texas A&M study. They can also threaten young calves.

The flies “dive-bomb” the fire ants and lay eggs, and then the maggot that hatches inside the ant eats away at the brain. Later, the ant gets up and starts wandering for about two weeks, said Rob Plowes, a research associate at the University of Texas at Austin.

Although the ant exhibits zombie-like behavior, Plowes said he “wouldn’t use the word ‘control’ to describe what is happening. There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly.”

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant’s head falls off and it dies — and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs.

Plowes said fire ants are “very aware” of these tiny flies, and it only takes a few to cause the ants to modify their behavior.

“It’s kind of like a medieval activity where you’re putting a castle under siege,” Plowes told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram for a story in Tuesday editions.

Planning for the Apocalypse

A bookshelf of books to help you survive. Lots of info in the comments. [Link]

One person's death could mean doom for an entire community, if the are the only one that knows how to fix the water pump or make medicine. Combine that with the fact that most people in developed countries no longer know much about hunting, farming, wilderness survival and similar skills, and we've suddenly got a serious survival problem. Well, besides the whole apocalypse thing.

My solution is The Post-Apocalyptic Survival Bookshelf. I intend to gather various books together to form a small library of important information to help survive the apocalypse, thrive in the post-apocalyptic world, and start to rebuild society afterwards. The books will be a valuable physical resource that will outlast your death and can teach others the same important skills. And by knowing what's in the books, you'll have a leg up on anyone else and be a more valuable member of your community even if the books don't survive.

Some of the books suggested:

• Joy of Cooking: All About Canning & Preserving ISBN 0743215028
• The SAS guide to tracking, ISBN 1-58574-031-4
• "Henley's Formulas" - a good general all-around book with directions and formulas for a variety of compounds ISBN 0517293072
• Field Dressing and Butchering Deer: Step-by-Step Instructions, from Field to Table by Monte Burch ISBN 1585743585
• The Forager's Harvest: A Guide to Identifying, Harvesting, and Preparing Edible Wild Plants by Samuel Thayer ISBN 0976626608
• SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, in Any Climate, on Land or at Sea by John Lofty Wiseman ISBN 0060578793
• Back to Basics: A Complete Guide to Traditional Skills by Abigail Gehring ISBN 1602392331
• Townsend Whelan's On Your Own In The Wilderness ISBN 0883650045
• The Foxfire books ISBN 0385073534
• A Physics Textbook
• A Calculus Textbook (for the Physics)
• A Math Textbook (for the Math)

Just for reference, for you know, when the apocalypse comes. Or the zombies.

The Transient

Awesome short film about the homeless superhero The Transient fighting against Vampire Lincoln. [Link]

Minion Want Ad

For Sean [Link]

[Hmm … I see that Jeff is looking for minions but the picture of the want-ad isn't big enough to read and gosh darn it, I've always wanted to know how such minions are recruited. I'll have to ask Jeff next time I see him … ]

Here you go:

Minions Wanted

☠ Do you enjoy the "Graveyard Shift"?
☠ Do you enjoy getting your hands dirty?
☠ Are you not a "People Person"?
☠ Can you follow orders blindly?
☠ Do you have what it takes to be a minion?

Minions are very important to the Mad Scientific Process. Many would "Kill" to have such a prestigious job opportunity. If your brain is at least 1300 cubic centimeters in volume and you have questionable morals and you have your CCM (Certified Craven Minion), you may be qualified to be a Mad Scientist's Minion.

A Return to Traditional Zombie Values

Simon Pegg talks on zombies. [Link]

My expectations were high, and I sat down to watch a show that proved smart, inventive and enjoyable, but for one key detail: ZOMBIES DON'T RUN!

I know it is absurd to debate the rules of a reality that does not exist, but this genuinely irks me. You cannot kill a vampire with an MDF stake; werewolves can't fly; zombies do not run. It's a misconception, a bastardisation that diminishes a classic movie monster. The best phantasmagoria uses reality to render the inconceivable conceivable. The speedy zombie seems implausible to me, even within the fantastic realm it inhabits. A biological agent, I'll buy. Some sort of super-virus? Sure, why not. But death? Death is a disability, not a superpower. It's hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all.

More significantly, the fast zombie is bereft of poetic subtlety. As monsters from the id, zombies win out over vampires and werewolves when it comes to the title of Most Potent Metaphorical Monster. Where their pointy-toothed cousins are all about sex and bestial savagery, the zombie trumps all by personifying our deepest fear: death. Zombies are our destiny writ large. Slow and steady in their approach, weak, clumsy, often absurd, the zombie relentlessly closes in, unstoppable, intractable.

However (and herein lies the sublime artfulness of the slow zombie), their ineptitude actually makes them avoidable, at least for a while. If you're careful, if you keep your wits about you, you can stave them off, even outstrip them - much as we strive to outstrip death. Drink less, cut out red meat, exercise, practice safe sex; these are our shotguns, our cricket bats, our farmhouses, our shopping malls. However, none of these things fully insulates us from the creeping dread that something so witless, so elemental may yet catch us unawares - the drunk driver, the cancer sleeping in the double helix, the legless ghoul dragging itself through the darkness towards our ankles.

I am no fan of the fast zombie either. I like my zombies to shamble.

Zombie Movie production with regards to War and Social Upheaval

Interesting, and it's a huge list of movies they used. [Link]

Still, even correcting for the fact that there are more movies being made today, you can see that there are distinctive spikes in zombie popularity - and they always seem to fall slightly after a huge political or social event has caused mass fear, chaos, or suffering. That's why World War II, Vietnam, and the current Iraq War are all followed by a zombie rush at theaters. Obviously, if you're going to look at these historical correlations, you have to consider that movies inspired by a real-life event aren't going to show up in theaters for at least six months to a year, so we've accounted for that.

You can see that most of these spikes in zombie popularity do seem weirdly close to periods of historical trauma like wars or the AIDS epidemic. Is there a causal connection, or is it just coincidence? You be the judge.

Zombie Drones

Resurrecting decommissioned F-4s as drones. [Link]

Armed Predator and Reaper drones have become the primary weapons in the fight against Pakistani militants. But they can be pricey; the Reapers come in at around a hundred million dollars each. Which is why the Air Force is working on a cheaper option: killer zombies.

Visit Davis-Monthan Air Force Base in Tucson, Arizona, and you'll see rows upon of obsolete F-4 Phantom II aircraft – or at least their gutted carcasses. This is the Aerospace Maintenance And Regeneration Center or AMARC -- whatever you do, don't call it the Boneyard. For many years, it has been common practice to resurrect these deceased planes as QF-4 unmanned drones, so that they can have a brief and undignified existence as "full-scale aerial targets." Everything in the inventory -- from Sidewinder missiles to Patriots -- have been tested on one at some point, even though some find it "kind of hard to shoot at such a magnificent aircraft."

Some 230 Phantoms have been through this resurrection process since 1995. It costs about $800,000 U.S. per aircraft. The tail and wingtips are painted orange to they can be easily distinguished from manned aircraft. Typically they are flown several times. Not all tests need to end in the plane being shot down, and there is an onboard scoring system to determine how close a warhead came. Up to six QF-4s can be flow together remotely by computer, maintaining tight formation using GPS. (Hey, how about a robotic version of the Blue Angels?)

But earlier this year, the zombie fleet got a new twist (see photo): one of them fired a modified High Speed Anti-Radiation Missile.

Mmm, Brains

I was not expecting to see this. [Link]

Instructions for transportings Brains

Brains. [Link]

Do you have an extra brain sitting around you want to donate? Do you want to trade brains with someone else but they are too far away to do it in person? Is your brain malfunctioning and you need to ship it back to the factory for some repairs or in the worst case - a replacement? If your answer was yes to any of these questions then this is the tutorial for you.

This is what you'll need:

Two clean, dry ziploc plastic bags
(about 22.0 x 30.0 cm)

Plastic bucket with tightly fitting lid
(about 4.0 liters)

Large plastic bag
(about 40.0 x 50.0 cm)

Envelope for documents

Thermosafe polyfoam container
(38.0 x 33.0 x 31.0 cm)

Two refrigerant packs
(17.0 x 10.0 cm)

Wet ice (about 1.0 kg)

Once you have these items just follow these eight straight forward steps and you'll brain will be ready to drop off at your local courier store.

Brains.

Teller vs. the Zombies of Vegas

Cool little zombie film made by Teller of Penn & Teller. [Link]

Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

Neat comic [Link]

Zombie Policies

Hear, hear. It's about time we talked about the real issues.

Nearly one whole week has passed and I have yet to hear a single candidate from any party say word one about the pressing, clawing, biting issue of the Undead.

Thirty-four billion dollars, in tax cuts Prime Minister?

I call that bull talk from a one-eyed fat man! That's money could-a been much better spent on bite resistant Kevlar body armour for our brave troops on the front line of the undeclared war against the walking dead.

Fridge magnets and national security hotlines? Bah! I ask you instead, where is my $100,000 tax-free grant for zombie-proofing the chateau? That moat's not going to dig itself, Johnny. And your gun laws don't make home defence against ol' Zed any easier you know. My Playboy bunnies do what they can but they're only human, while the moaning, brain-chewing fiends scratching at the door are most definitely inhuman and even with the new, much more flexible workplace agreements I've negotiated with the girls, we just don't have the resources to provide 24/7 cover for the grotto, the hot tub, the volleyball court and the mansion.

Peru Meteorite Coverup Begins

The zombies must be really spreading for them to cover this up as reports of "mass hysteria".

Some health officials suggest that the symptoms described by the locals, the large number of people reporting symptoms, and the apparently rapid spread have all the hallmarks of a case of mass hysteria. "Those who say they are affected are the product of a collective psychosis," Jorge Lopez Tejada, health department chief in Puno, the nearest city, told the Los Angeles Times. This psychosis could have begun as a result of fear of the meteorite and the mysterious "disease" on the part of the residents and spread as official and media reports seemed to confirm it and give it credence. "The Peruvian event seems to be a rare case where we may be witnessing collective anxiety that is approaching near hysteria," said Benny Peiser, a social anthropologist at John Moores University in England. "The major[ity] of the affected Peruvian town hinted that some of the mass anxiety is due to fear of imminent impacts and psychological stress which is not surprising given the premature speculation and media hype."